Let's Do the Time Warp Again


“Okay, so let’s talk this through and see if we can figure it out. Starting from, I don’t know, this morning.”

“Which morning?”

“When Forth woke us up because the lights started flashing. Red, red, gray. And they kept flashing like that for a while — five minutes maybe? — before they went out entirely. That was weird. But anyhow, that’s when we started walking redward, right? Until those giant monsters with the hooks dropped down on us. You think their clattering along the ceiling is what was making those mining noises?”


“Don’t answer, I’m getting my groove going here. So it was while we were fighting them that things started getting really weird, right? It wasn’t just me getting knocked out, they really did turn into spiritual primeval energy thingies, right? And then Lucky was a centaur-unicorn, and Forth was a Thundercloud, and Tharn grew claws, and I just felt really hopeless for some reason. But we kept fighting them. The first one turned into stone — was that wild magic? I assume you’d tell me if you could reliably turn things into stone. But then the second one split into two, each of which split into two, each of which just vanished when we killed them.”

“But killing them didn’t make us not unicorns or whatever. So we decided that was a bad way to go, and headed greenward instead, past where we’d camped. And eventually that did make us better, though right before everything started feeling right Caleb said ‘something doesn’t feel right.’ Could he feel us entering the time loop? Is that when we entered the time loop?”

“Can I-”

“No sorry, let me finish. The questions are, uh, rhetorical. Right after that is the first time we hit the fire trap. Or Daevon did. But after we got him put out and healed, Lucky headed back redward. And eventually we followed him, and I think we time-looped then? As soon as we met Lucky and switched to greenward Daevon hit the fire trap again. Or maybe it was just a similar fire trap near bookshelves that seemed to have the same books. Unlikely. This time Lucky marked it with magic.”

“But then we went briefly redward and greenward again and I think it wasn’t marked any more? But we still recognized it? And that’s when Daevon got tired of being burned and tried to trigger the trap by throwing our money on it, but ended up getting burned anyhow. Oh, and he’d left a book near the trap last time? But now it was in his backpack again, so it was definitely a time loop.”

“We did the redward-greenward dance a… fourth time? But by now we could recognize it, or at least Tharn could, and we actually for once decided not to trigger it, and move past it. And I think that’s the first time we found those slow-falling books? Do we think they were falling slowly because they were in a weird time thingie, or because some wizard had cast a spell on them to make them fall slowly? That’s a spell, right? Wait, does that spell just create a weird time thingie around whatever’s falling? Anyhow, I don’t know what the significance of those books is.”

“Though I guess they’re a useful hint that the slammy-whammy bookshelves are coming soon? Those look like they really hurt, sorry Tharn. And right after them is the second fire trap.”

“I think it was after that second fire trap that we decided to stop and treat our wounds? I wonder if there’s any limit to how long one run through this time loop can go. But we got about a normal night’s rest, and things didn’t seem to have reset, so I guess a while, right?”

“So in the morning, or whatever, since there’s no way to keep track of time down here, especially when time isn’t cooperating. Anyhow, then we went on and found the tripwire that triggers the gust of wind. And I was watching behind us so I got sent flying back to the slammy-whammy and the fire trap, which apparently had reset.”

“And then after the tripwire is the lightning net. It’s good that Lucky can teleport past that, and that it has a shut-off switch. I guess that must mean we’re heading the direction that whoever made these traps doesn’t want us to go? The lightning net doesn’t do a very good job stopping anyone going the other way. I’d say we should go redward again, except that the time loop does a very good job of stopping us going that way. So if the traps are designed to stop us going greenward and the time loop is designed to stop us going redward, does that mean different people made them? Or one person made both, and wants to keep us trapped here? I don’t know.”

“Anyhow, after the lightning net is that awful acid trap. Which spreads out over time. And starts raining if you dawdle too long. That one drove us far enough redward that we reset the time loop, and realized it was hard to tell when you reset the timeloop by walking redward.”

“At least we’re getting better at this stuff. That next time through we avoided the fire traps, Tharn still got slammy-whammied, but we did okay with the tripwire, and we knew to send Lucky right past the lightning net. And then we tried roping together and staying up on top of the bookshelves to get around the acid trap, and somehow that reset us. That’s what I don’t get. Does the time loop not want us to go high? Did we get too far greenward? I don’t think we were split up. However it happened, we were back at the first fire trap.”

“Speaking of split up, that’s when we sent Lucky on his solo adventure. After he got attuned to the batwing cloak. And you said that went fine, right? You made it past all the traps? But we waited for you a long time, like at least a half hour. Anyhow, if you do that again, please turn off the lightning net. We eventually found a way through it by Daevon diving through, getting knocked out, and then Caleb healing him, but it’s a bad way. Though maybe it doesn’t matter, since we still don’t have a good way past the acid trap. I still say we charge through that one.”

“So, that’s how we got here, right? The loops resets if we go redward, things go weird when we split up, and things maybe reset when we go too far greenward. If we can figure a way past the acid.”

“Okay thanks for listening but I don’t think going over all that really helped much. I’d apologize for the waste of time, but… you know.”



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